Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
