you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
