I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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