We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
