FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
