You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
