im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
