You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
