As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
