Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
