this beer tastes like vomit already
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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