Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
