wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
