My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize