I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize
