It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
