here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
