I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i think i have herpe
just one?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
