If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
