Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
