Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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