When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Im part way to drunk.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
