So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
