You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
