I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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