So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
