Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
