She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
