They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
