It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
