I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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