I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
