Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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