names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
