what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
