My Higher Power is John Stamos
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
