How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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