So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
