I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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