We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
