ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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