WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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