Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
