Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize