she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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