I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
