call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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