Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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