Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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