Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize