Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
