im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
