It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
