you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
