He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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