i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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