talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
