I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
