Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
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The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
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I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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