dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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