so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
